It’s no secret that forgoing barrier protection can increase your risk of getting STIs. However, every couple has to decide for themselves when it’s safe to stop using condoms.
But if your partner wants to ditch the rubbers, it’s important that you have a frank conversation about what this might mean for your relationship.
1. He’s not being honest with you
It might seem like a no-brainer, but some men don’t think that using condoms is important. Maybe he’s not very good at remembering to put them on, or it just feels too awkward for him to stop the foreplay to grab one. If he feels that using them takes away from the pleasure of sex, he might be tempted to just skip them altogether.
It’s fine for couples to decide that they don’t need to use condoms — but it should be a mutual decision. If your man is telling you that he no longer wants to use condoms, you should ask him why. It could be a sign that you need to talk about your relationship expectations (such as whether or not you’re going to be monogamous) and alternate methods of birth control.
And, of course, if you’re both thinking about foregoing condoms, it’s crucial to have regular STI tests and make sure that you’re on the same page about your sexual health. This will help you avoid pregnancy and STIs, especially if you’re not planning to have any babies. (Note: STIs can take up to three months to show up in a test, so be sure to get tested regularly.) Talk to your OBGYN for more information on what STIs to look out for.
2. He’s not being honest with himself
Sometimes, men just don’t feel like using condoms. They might get tired of having to take that awkward break from foreplay to fumble around and put them on. They may be tired of the extra lube stinging their dicks or the worry of losing an erection while they’re trying to use one. Or, they might just be fed up with hearing all the warnings about STI risks and warty dicks from the media.
Regardless of why they’re not using condoms, it’s important to have an honest conversation about it. It’s also a good idea to talk about relationship expectations, such as being monogamous and practicing safe sex with outside partners (since some STIs can be passed via vaginal contact). Getting tested for STIs is another great way to make sure you’re on the same page about STI protection and that your sexual health is in the best possible condition.
If he wants to stop using condoms, that’s his choice. But, before making that decision, it’s important to remember that pregnancy and STIs are serious business. If he’s not willing to commit to using condoms, it might be time to consider the next step in your relationship. Especially since some STIs can take months to show up in an STI test. So, if you haven’t already, make an appointment at your local STI clinic.
3. He’s not being honest with you
It can be tempting to say yes when your partner offers you sex without a condom. After all, your relationship has been going well for a while and the quickies have become more natural. But this isn’t always a good reason to stop using condoms. If you’re not in a monogamous relationship or on the verge of being one, it’s always better to stick with the condom until you have an official commitment.
You also need to make sure your man is being honest with you when it comes to sex and protection. If he tells you that he enjoys condom-free sex more and starts complaining that it feels different when you orgasm, this is a red flag. Men who do this are often lying to their partners. If you think he’s not telling the truth, pay attention to his rate of communication with you and watch what he does with his hands. Researchers have found that liars tend to gesture with their hands more than those who are telling the truth.
There’s no right or wrong time to stop using condoms, but every couple needs to discuss this topic and come to a mutual agreement about it. Once your guy is no longer using condoms, it’s even more important for the two of you to talk about regular STI testing and alternate methods of birth control.
4. He’s not being honest with you about his sexuality
The decision to forgo condoms in a relationship is an important one that every couple makes differently. However, if your guy stops wearing protection with no clear reason and no clear agreement with you, it could be an indicator that he’s not being honest with you about his sexuality.
Often, men will stop using condoms because they feel that sex without them is more pleasurable. But the truth is that it’s not. Condoms can also delay ejaculation, so even if your man is not in the habit of waiting for you to orgasm before taking off the barrier, there’s still a chance that you won’t be able to get the job done as long as you used to.
Finally, men who are sexually active with a lot of women can also be more likely to stop using condoms because they’re concerned about passing STIs to all of their partners. This is a dangerous attitude to take because most STIs have no symptoms and can be transmitted through non-sexual contact as well.
Ultimately, the decision to stop using condoms is a personal one that every couple must make for themselves. But if your guy isn’t being honest with you about why he wants to forgo barrier protection, it could mean that he’s not ready to be in a monogamous relationship and that you should move on from the situation.
