Sex can feel like a chore when we’re not in the mood. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
There are plenty of ways to turn sex into an adventure and increase sexual interest in the process. Here are just a few of them: 1. Turn it into a game.
1. You’re busy.
If you’re both busy, it can be hard to find the time for intimate connection. It’s important to make it a priority, but it also helps to talk about your schedules and make sure that you have an open line of communication so that you can work out a time when both of you feel like making sex a priority again.
In addition, stress in the relationship can be a major culprit. For example, if you and your partner are constantly arguing or if one of you has an emotional or mental health issue, you might find that your desire for each other starts to wane.
It’s important to remember that sex should never feel like a chore or an assault. Using a threshold (such as the doorway to your bedroom) to release the stress of the day and focus on your body can help create an environment for playful arousal. If you want to change the dynamic of your sexual intimacy, communicating with your partner and creating a safe/secure emotional attachment can make all the difference.
2. You don’t like your partner.
Many women begin to feel disconnected from their partners when sex stops feeling fun or like a chore. This can happen due to a variety of reasons, including hormones, medication, lack of interest, or even an ebb in the sexual intimacy of the relationship.
If this happens, it’s important for couples to communicate about what is going on. Using direct communication can help both parties understand the disconnect that is happening and figure out how to change it.
Keeping up with small things that make each other happy, such as touching one another, kissing, or talking about sex can reignite interest in the bedroom. A therapist can also help with this, as they can teach couples techniques to stay close even when sex is not on the table.
Ultimately, it’s important for couples to know when something is wrong and to seek professional help if needed. If sex is not being enjoyed or feels like a chore, both parties need to consider whether they are in a safe place to continue the relationship. The last thing you want is sexual violence.
3. You’re embarrassed.
When you’re embarrassed, it can be hard to enjoy your sexual experiences. Many of us learn shameful messages about sex and our bodies throughout childhood, largely from our parents, sexual education (or lack thereof), religion, the media, etc. This can have a profound effect on how we feel about our bodies and sexuality as adults.
Often, this sexual shame is tied to feelings of inadequacy, self-worth, and body insecurity. It can also cause us to avoid or push back against pleasure, even if we want it. This can lead to low libido and ultimately, feeling like sex is just a chore.
One way to begin dismantling sexual shame is to get comfortable talking about it. You can do this by journaling about your experiences, or by talking to a trusted friend. Another way to start is by practicing saying sex-related words out loud, such as “sex”, “penis,” “vagina”, or “turning on” and “horny”. This will help you become more comfortable with talking about your body. You may need to do this several times before you feel comfortable.
5. You don’t like the way you feel.
Whether it’s pregnancy, worrying about sexually transmitted infections or simply being too tired to do anything, physical and emotional factors can make sex feel like a chore. Luckily, there are ways to help.
Coats suggests talking to your partner about what you want from the relationship and establishing boundaries. She also suggests making sure that you’re getting enough sleep, eating well and managing stress – all of which can help increase your desire for sex.
For many women, sex is a special way to connect with their partners emotionally and physically. When it feels like a chore, however, it takes away from the intimacy that the activity is supposed to bring to a relationship. If you’re unsure what is causing this to happen, talk to your partner or seek professional support. If you have overcome this issue and found a way to reconnect with your passion for sex, please share your story in the comments or start a conversation in our Relationships In the Raw Forum. It could help others find their own solutions.
